Life Stages
I think of myself as a mid-lifer. I recall the point at which I realized I was in mid-life, or should I say the point at which I identified as being a mid-lifer. I was forty-five years old. I remember thinking, at that time, that some people may find themselves identifying with this life stage at a younger age. When I was forty and inviting pregnancy, a thirty-seven-year-old friend of mine became a grandmother. I imagine she felt that she was in mid-life at that time. This event may have catapulted her into that phase. But I was to have a baby at age forty-one, so it would still be a few years before I thought of myself as being in the middle of my life.
I taught human development, for many years, first to graduate students and then to undergrads. It was life-span development for grad students training to be psychotherapists, and then both child development and adolescent & adult development for the college students. I used to talk about mid-life being, for most people, the longest stage of development. Whether one entered mid-life at 37 or 45, one would be there for a couple of decades, at least.
I am seventy now and in excellent health. I feel as though I am still a mid-lifer, despite having been in this stage for a quarter century already, despite having felt that I entered this stage later than many people do. Do I need to start thinking of myself as being in late life? I mean, the women in my family live well into their nineties, if not to one hundred (and beyond!). Seriously, I just don’t feel like I am in late life yet. Yes, I am retired from paid work, but now I am a writer. I am physically active and fit. I don’t take medications. (Well, OK, I do take that weekly pill for osteoporosis, but I also keep up with weight training for that silent, invisible ailment.)
Just as we don’t want to say who is racially this or that, who is queer and who is straight, just as we remember to honor how others define their own identities, I feel it is important to honor how people identify by age cohort and by life stage. My daughter was born in 1995. Does that make her a Millennial or part of Generation Z? I think she should be the one to decide. (I have not asked her about this, largely because I have significant resistance to using those age cohort terms. A subject for another time.) So, I get to decide when I am in late life versus midlife. This, despite that fact that when I had a baby at forty-one I was considered a geriatric patient. Today, I still feel like a mid-lifer. One who has been lucky enough to retire from a beloved career. One who is privileged with good health and an able body. I’ll let you know when I feel like I am in late life. It’s not that I have an aversion to being there. Many of my friends identify with this last stage of development. It’s not a stage I resist. I just don’t feel like I am there yet.
How do you identify, age-wise? (This is meant as food for thought, but you can always answer in the comment section, if you feel like it.)
my retirement photo, 50 years later
Looking good, Ann. I agree. I've had some great role models and have some good genes. And we're lucky to have and be able to afford much better health care than our elders. Our age does reside in our minds. Thanks for sharing!
What's that saying, "this isn't your mother's xyz....." Well, we are not the old ladies of yesteryear. We are active in body, mind, and spirit. Sure, we have our aches and pains but can you imagine what we'd be like if we weren't hiking, running, practicing yoga, and drinking wine? Crying out loud, how many people can tolerate the cold waters off of Maine like we do? In the end, it doesn't matter how old we are, all we want is to find a good restaurant in NOHO!