Friendship
"No friendship is an accident."--O. Henry
I try to be intentional in my friendships. To that end, I have some guidelines for myself. I endeavor to lead with kindness and thoughtfulness. I do my best to suspend judgement. I aim to spend more time listening than speaking. And I try to never let a compliment go unspoken.
Who doesn't respond well to kindness, a non-judgemental stance, being listened to, and receiving compliments? We all need more of this in our lives. If you feel you are not often enough the recipient of this sort of thing, you might ask yourself if you are offering these gifts to your friends. We get what we give. Perhaps you are offering something else that is as important as what I have prescribed here. What might that be?
For me, the bit about listening more than speaking is easy enough with talkative friends, a steeper climb with less talkative ones. I'm fairly verbal, so I must remember to leave some silence in conversations with friends who wait for such before speaking. This sort of intentionality deepens bonds. And I don't know about you, but I don't like to think about life without deep friendship. What are you doing to nurture yours?
Friendships are so important, especially for a single person like me. There are lots of novels about romance; fewer about friendships. Any recommendations?
As you mention, I sometimes don't listen enough, especially with less talkative friends. My biggest failing, though, is not being more active about staying in touch with friends I don't routinely encounter (e.g, at dances, book club, or the farmers' market). I'm trying to do better. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said that friends you've lost touch with are like buried treasure. I'm working on unearthing them and bringing them back into the light.